Saturday, November 8, 2014

Jeff's Paintball Epics

I was talking to my boys this morning about Paintball & some of the fun stories I've had. Here is a list of my epic moments in Paintball for you to read and laugh with me...

1. The Outhouse- Mike Stinch was in the outhouse dropping some ordinance...if you know what I mean.  unfortunately for him, he left the door unlocked around the same time I got the brilliant idea of throwing a paint grenade in on him. 

Needless to say, it worked like a charm, he was covered in paint, it took me about 40 minutes to clean up, and we became a legend at Bull Creek Paintball.

2. Storm the Castle- I was leading a team to storm a castle, at Bull Creek.  I came up with a brilliant strategy to send everyone in and storm the last hold outs.  Within 10 seconds the entire opposing force (opfor) was eliminated, as well as half of my team. All of those who died on our team were shot by me when I went in.  Regardless, we won!

3. Dress shirt & tie- One day we played woodsball, and I decided to wear a white dress shirt and tie.  I still picture myself sprinting onto the bridge, taking the flag, and running back under a hail of paintballs.  They never did get me.

4. Airborne Rangers- we were playing a major World War 2 reenactment in Niles/Buchanan. It was DDay, there were 2 German strongholds, one on the beach, the other was their rear base.  There were claymores, a canon and about 60 Germans on the front wall.  Some were in pillboxes, some on the main wall, surrounded by hundreds/thousands of sandbags. 

I was part of the Rangers, who were dropped in the middle of the game.  A group of about 6.  Three of us were eliminated within 5 minutes.  The other three of us, me and 2 other guys, quickly moved in a leap from style to the front lines, where our guys would be finding heavy fire (we had about 30 advancing straight up the beach).  I came up to a German pillbox, dropped in a paintball grenade & then stormed in taking out the entire pillbox (their whole right front line).  Then I joined the other 2 to finish off the entire group of 60 (which took about 5 minutes).

After that, we headed toward the German back base. The two guys worked the middle, I swung out wide left, in the treeline, and flanked the base.  They engaged the front & I walked up the rear and depleted their entire rear force, ending the game.  All before our front lines could catch up to us.

5. The Hornet Nest- It was me versus 2 ruthless players, they had me pinned so I jumped into a bush.  Which ended up being a hornet nest.  I was stung 13 times on my sprint to the house.  Once safely inside, the hornets continued crawling out of my pockets. 

6. Shellie & the girls- I was with Shellie & three other girls.  We moved in a V formation & cleared out an entire forest of guys.

7. Speedball- We had about 30 v 30 once on a speedball course.  A LOT of people.  When the horn sounded, the noobs ran, but I stayed in back to survey the field.  Once I got a vector on the opfor, I sprinted up the right flank, to their rear corner inflatable.  I took out 5 guys from that point, grabbed the flag, took out 3 more, and headed safely back to base. 

8. Justin & Jeremy v. the white sniper- One early morning I knocked on the door of a couple homeschoolers, and left them some tubes of paintballs & a note that said, "Come find me."  I was camped in their backyard woods, with a white sheet over me to blend in with the snow.  After about 45 minutes, I heard a twig snap behind me & thought, "Clever girl" (a Jurassic Park quote) & got shot by, I think it was Jeremy.  Epic fail. Epic fun.

9. Bull Creek Run- We were playing capture the flag 15v15.  The flag was in the middle of the field and you had to lay it on the opfor flag return post.  The whistle blew and I took off into a full sprint.  I got to the flag & pulled it half way across the river before gun fire exploded. I managed to retrieve the flag & stayed on the side of the river bank, working my way deep into opfor control.  After slipping past their front and secondary (coward) line, I was in silence.  I had to lay low in the weeds as 2 opfor passed within 5 feet of me.  Finally I came up and walked calmly through their territory, thinking of Drew, who would most likely be hunkered down at their flag post, waiting.  When I got close I hid the flag and walked with a defeated look, as if I had been neutralized. At the last second I pulled to flag out and placed it on the post, about 1 second before I was shot by drew from close range.  Fortunately the ref saw how it played out and we won!

10. Marjorie & the epic run- we were playing close woods ball.  I was listening to "Ride of the Valkyries" and feeling pretty epic.  However, someone epic-er, ran right past me, past everyone, took the flag and won the game within 3 minutes.  That epic-er person was Marjorie Fink.  I still remember looking in awe at her fearlessness.

11. Castle & the scout- My brother Mike and I were working in the old Scottsdale Theatre.  I was on top of the castle, he was down below.  I would call out where he should go & where the opfor was. Then I would throw down cover fire & he would take the position.  Working together he quickly worked up the whole field and he took out 6-8 opfor before winning the game.

Maybe I will add some airsoft stories next.

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